The Unsolved Thesis of Being a Teenager
Updated: Oct 19, 2020
"You're so cool, you know?" he said, but in a way, I couldn't be more embarrassed.
"If you are so goddamn cool, why don't you freeze your mouth shut?!" he yelled, in front of the whole class. The class hooted, boys and girls giggling and laughing. My heart thumped in my chest, and I couldn't breathe. I felt like ripping my hair out and getting engulfed by the ground.
But, I didn't.
I smiled. I laughed, even. I sat down, and my insides were shaking. I couldn't look up anymore. I just didn't belong there. I belonged in my home, in front of my laptop, my books, and a TV. That's all I needed.
I am not your typical teenager with hundreds of Instagram followers and friends. I am the type with one friend and no Instagram account. You could say that I am the study-geek, but I prefer the term introverted nerd. I never felt the need of friends but times like these remind me that I was never capable of fitting in. Maybe, someday, I'll find people like me who would not try to change me.
Do I need to change?
Perhaps. Perhaps not. But at my school, definitely. People say that I am exaggerating about something that isn't even happening. Really? What about the time I felt so different that I actually cried? What about the time when my 'friends' told me to become more sociable because I was definitely not liked? What about the time my innocence became the hot topic of everyone around me? 'She hasn't even kissed a boy yet.'
Issues teenagers face are deemed unreal. They are not.
Well, that's true and understandable. They told me I wasn't likable. And yes, I am 17. No, I don't believe in being cool. No matter what anyone says, I am comfortable being who I am. I don't need boyfriends, and I don't need to go to parties to prove myself. I don't need to prove myself to anyone. But when these kids are so cruel to me, I do wonder that I am the worst kind of teenager there is.
If I truly am that, let me be the worst kind of teenager. Don't curse me for being who I am. Don't tell me what to do. Don't tell me to exercise, to flirt, to party, to eat well and don't tell me to find my likable self. I am likable: to myself.
I like me. Let me be.