Her thumb quivered over the ‘delete chat’ option as she stood there waiting to make a decision.
“I’ll get this done with once and for all”, she thought, wishing to subside the temptation to revisit those chats a hundred times every day. But it was a reminder. A red mark to never be an "easy" person again.
It had started off normally: "you would really be very wrong if you turn down my proposal after all that I have done".
Not that she had intended to turn him down, seldom did a proposal like his knock on her door. Thinking of it now made her realize how clearly he had left hints of his character.
He never failed to pass timely passive remarks to remind her of how little she had done for their relationship: "haha, I am so glad you could finally make some time for me."
She wasn't content with the way their relationship was turning out, but when the loneliness that weighed on her waited on the other side of a break-up, she decided to accept anything and everything to avoid the feeling of emptiness.
The toxicity became unbearable when their fights turned bitter: "you have hurt me."
And when she finally decided to end it once and for all, he started threatening her with messages.
"Don't do this to me. I can't live without you, you don't know what you're signing up for, Rhea. If you leave me, I’ll kill myself! Is that something you’re prepared to deal with?"
She wasn’t upset because of an ending relationship or a losing a person she trusted, but the fading foundational principle that guided her belief system. "People can never be evil, it is just our point of view that paints their picture unpleasant"- she had always thought. And it did, however, stand true to a certain extent. She was pushed into failing relationships, because every time she took a leap of faith into trusting a person with her insecurities, remaining ignorant towards the red flags. Every time she fell for someone, her actions changed it...only for the worse. She excused every unacceptable doing with a silly philosophy to reason herself- it was a mistake, and humans are entitled to make mistakes.
Growing out of a broken relationship meant looking back at how miserable of a failure she was, how foolishly ignorant she had been, and how mortifying it was for her to have done that. But she needed someone to confide into. She was losing her real self, pretending to be happy in front of everyone in her life. And that pushed her into hasty, open-ended relationships. Deep inside, she knew she deserved love, but her belief in the concept of acceptance was fading.
“Maybe, it isn’t the people I choose. Maybe… I am the failure,” said the voice in her head, festering louder and louder. Telling her to give up. And only now, when she was determined to never let her guard down again, life had decided to test her.
As all these thoughts were getting more and more chaotic inside her head, he shook her back to reality.
“You know, it isn’t going to work out, these things never do. And now, I can tell- it’s not even worth trying”, she said, excusing herself, and plunging into her thoughts again.
“Rhea!" he stopped her, lightly touching her arm. "I don’t know what led you to that conclusion. But you need to let your guard down. You can't live your life being stuck in your head. You have to open up someday. Life is beautiful, and love is worth taking that chance. It might not work, but what we build together will only teach us to be better. And from what I can tell, I am not the best, but you deserve the best. So I’ll be rather content if it doesn’t work out,” he joked.
Rhea sighed. Maybe love was worth taking the chance again?