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  • Writer's picturePaakhi M

A Black Lie

Updated: Oct 19, 2020

It was getting warmer. It was white all around me, but I didn't care. My bare skin pressed against the snow, but all I could think about was how peaceful it was going to be once I couldn't feel anymore. The world around me was spinning uncontrollably, and it felt like I couldn't do anything but lay on the ground, looking at that one point which seemed stabler than the others. I don't remember what happened next; I woke up on a hospital bed.

Is killing yourself even an option?

"Did you really lay in the snow in your underwear? You could have died from the cold if I didn't reach there when I did!" Angela, my foster mom, barked at me, standing beside the bed.

My insides pained as I turned to my side. I didn't want to see her there.

"Why did you do it?" she asked me, trying to sound empathetic. "I was denied all the AP classes that I tried to get into. Kids are saying it happened because I'm black."

"No, it..."

"You know what, Angela? I know it happened because I'm a black foster kid. They think that I'm there to blow the school up. They think that I'm gonna grab a kid and kill him whenever I feel like it. It's easy! They don't want me in their elitist school!" I vented out.

Isn't being different something to be proud of?

I've been in different homes my whole life. Being a 16-year-old foster kid, all I could think of was getting out of the foster system in two years. All I wanted was to get out of the system and get on my own feet. Being black was a whole different story.

When people see a young white girl being fostered, they pity her, empathize with her. But when they see a black teenager (like me), they feel unsafe. They tell their children to stay away from the kid. They tell them all these formulated stories about him. What did I do wrong? Just being born colored, and then having your parents run away?

I wanted to liberate myself from everything that I faced here. Talking about killing myself, and disappearing into oblivion makes you think why I didn't seek help. Well, being black and a foster kid was enough, I didn't want to be the crazy dude too.

For kids like me, equality is a black lie. It's told by people who want to show that they're the ideal citizens, while deep inside they still discriminate.

Hypocrisy is prevalent in today's society. Does false equality come under it?

They still discriminate between colors, gender, ideologies, nations, and everything that makes us different. But they fail to understand, God made us different to make the Earth diverse, not to divide ourselves.

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